An Honest Chat about Mental Health
We tend to not really talk about mental health until there’s an issue, what’s up with that? Growing up a church kid in the South doesn’t help either. I’ve spent years upon years losing the war inside my head because I was never really taught that there was one. I thought it was just me, I was just a bad apple, wasn’t praying enough, didn’t have enough faith. I still struggle with those lies sometimes but now I know the source of the madness. I know that how I feel is not my identity or something that I need to take blame for. I know that I was made an emotional being and as an emotional being in a sinful world, sometimes things get messy.
For those who think they know me, this is probably news. But those who really know me, know that I’m in (mental) world war 5328. The grace of God has kept me from attempts, but I’ve wanted my existence to cease more times than I’d like to think about. I couldn’t get past the WHY. “Why am I like this”, “why can’t I just feel better”, “what am I doing wrong”. The phrases, “everything happens for a reason” and “God’s plan” weren’t properly understood in my mind. because how could this be part of it.
It really took a pandemic to give me the space and time for a major perspective shift. Everything that happens to you is not a part of “God’s plan”- meaning, God did not sit down and write out that you would have a mental illness, that you would lose your spouse or get sexually assaulted. These things are a result of a broken world with broken options. God’s plan is redemption and restoration, and although it can be claimed now through salvation, we won’t see the fullness of it on this earth as we know it. That is how saved people can still have very messy minds.
I’m not writing this for attention or pity. I’m here to talk to myself and others like me. People who feel the weight of a messy mind, often. People who love God and need to be reminded that struggling with depression is not your “fault”, you’re not secretly a demon who is destined to never find happiness. I’m here for those who the enemy is coming after so hard because he’s terrified of the light inside of them. I’m here for you.
When you struggle with depression one of the sweetest things about a relationship with Jesus is having hope. When you struggle with depression and have hope in Jesus, one of the hardest things is not being able to give up. I know this well. I wish I didn’t, but I’m being honest here. I know for a fact I am not the only one who feels or has felt this way. I’m passionate about speaking up about the narratives the church (universal) has been too scared to touch, about advocating for those who feel like flukes in the system.
So if this is you, you’re not alone. Hi! I am your friend. If this isn’t really you, but you want to help us… stop telling people to pray more, to have more faith, to just calm down. Yes, encourage us to stay in prayer and to keep fighting for our faith, I’m not saying don’t bring up the Father. I’m asking for you to stop throwing spiritual band-aids at gaping wounds while trying to walk away. If you’re not willing to be the one to walk with us through it, help us find someone who is.
I don’t think I was truly prepared for how tough life really is, I blame Disney Channel for false advertising. But as hard as things are here on earth, I know that earth is not my final call, so I will not give up, you will not give up, we will not give up.
1 Timothy 6:12
Pursue a righteous life- a life of wonder, faith, love, steadiness, courtesy. Run hard and fast in the faith. Seize the eternal life, the life you were called to, the life you so fervently embraced in the presence of so many witnesses. (The Message)
2 Timothy 4:7-8
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept faith. There is reserved for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will give me on that day, and not only to me, but to all those who have loved his appearing. (CSB)
Ephesians 6: 10-12
And that about wraps it up. God is strong and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the devil throws your way. This is no weekend war that we’ll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps- a life or death fight to the finish against the devil and all his angels. (The Message)
Making Honey With Thyme 